This statement of fact and sorrow from my 4-year old daughter, Beckett, added even more weight to my grief. It was April 28 and our beloved 600-pound farm pig, Charlotte, whom we had adopted eight years earlier, had just died. We were pigless. We were Charlotteless.

Almost everyone who has a pet ends up in this situation. How do you know when the time is right to take the plunge again?

Sharon Harkavy, director of community outreach at Paws4Ever, the private animal shelter in Mebane, is often asked this question from potential adopters.

"Many at shelters are there because they have lost an animal," she said. "I tell those who are not sure that I truly believe that if their pet could have said one thing to them before they left, it was, "Grieve for me but then get on with it and adopt another animal and give them the wonderful life you gave me."

Harkavy has lost five dogs in the past three years, including a severely handicapped English bulldog named Weeble. She has met people who have been waiting for several years and others who come in soon after their pet has died. Harkavy suggests people not try to find an animal that looks like their last one.

"They may not even realize this but will constantly compare this animal to the past one, and there will be disappointments," she explained. "This is not fair to the new animal." She also tells people that if they find themselves looking online or dropping by the shelter or a rescue group event, they may be ready. "But if they think about it and shudder and cry, they are not ready," she said. The time frame is different for different people and in different situations.

Rob Gierka, the former chaplain for the N.C. State University College of Veterinary Medicine, is a third-year doctoral student at NCSU and is writing his dissertation on anthrozoological bereavement. One of the things he is addressing in it is how one knows it is time to get a new animal.

"An easy way to remember is the acronym TIME," Gierka said.

"T" stands for time. "You need to season your grief to where it matures and it is not raw," he said. "If you are really attached to the animal, I would say you need nine months to a year before you invite another relationship into your life."

"I" stands for intimacy. Your grief should be seasoned enough to have the capacity to begin a new relationship.

"M" stands for motive. Grief should not be a motive. People should ask themselves if they want to get a new animal to fill the hole in their heart. A motive for getting a new animal should be that you want to fall in love again or you have already done so.

"E" stands for emotion, your emotional self-awareness. "What is your style of grieving?" Gierka said. "If you are an instrumental griever, someone who makes lists, and gets active, then you might consider fostering or joining a rescue group." Intuitive grievers, people who express their grief through crying and finding support they might find sympathetic ears and give themselves the time to be melancholy.

In 2005, Gierka started a nonprofit called Pet Chaplain ( www.petchaplain.org) to offer training to those who are interested in becoming pet chaplains.

"I want to create a network of pet chaplains," he said. "During Hurricane Katrina, people were not allowed to take their animals on the bus. We will have more of these circumstances and we need people who understand this bond and will also advocate for it."

For two years he has been giving workshops at the Wake County SPCA, educating lay people and veterinarians on how to offer pastoral care to people and also started a monthly support group there. It took a year for one participant to decide she was ready for a new dog. She shared the experience of picking a new puppy and had the group help her select a name.

Two weeks ago we knew we were ready for pigs again, but were not prepared to adopt. Charlotte's empty pen is now filled with soft pig snorts and squeals from Hank and Piglet, two pot-bellied pigs we are fostering for PigPals of North Carolina. We know that Charlotte approves.