When I was struggling with being an out gay pastor in the church and academy, discussing the issue with a lawyer over a morning cup of coffee, there was a moment that has stayed with me for the past seven years. It was when the lawyer put down her cup of coffee and asked in a quandering spirit, “Why do you want to be part of a club that treats you like an outsider and second-class member?”

That question has struck me on several levels as I started to question all the various ways people are treated as outsiders or second-class citizens in a country that otherwise espouses that all “men (sic) are created equal.”

The argument countering the Proposition 8 case in California – denying same-sex couples the right to marry – is based upon this constitutional guarantee and assumption that we are all equal bearers of human dignity and that the government must treat that dignity with equal respect. This constitutional right includes marriage. Yet in reality, there are a handful of characteristics – like an ability or one’s gender, class, ethnicity, nationality, age, and sexual orientation – that are deemed by the “majority” of Americans as a “minority” category. And being a minority usually means one is a second-class citizen.

More recently, I’ve been intrigued as to what it is like to be a second-class citizen based upon not only one but also two or more of these listed characteristics. After all, each of us is more than our gender, sexual orientation, race, class, ability or age. We are an intricate intersection of many characteristics that make us who we are. What spurred this column was the recent welcoming of my friends Tom Galey and Lee Ellis as members of the United Church of Chapel Hill on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Both men happen to be gay and deaf … and Christians.

When I asked them which was harder in terms of being “second class” or “outsiders,” being gay or deaf, they said it was about the same, but from different angles: “Socially and in personal relationships we view it as a culture, but the greater society perceives it as a disability. We see that society is handicapped in terms of making efforts to communicate with us. If people make an effort to learn and socialize with us communication-wise the barriers crumble down. Then they see us that we are no different from anyone else except that we can't hear.”

“As for being gay, the general society and the church (universal) is very oppressive and mean-hearted. They see being gay as a choice, but for us it is not a choice. They view it as the greater sin but there is no such a thing as the greater sin. It cannot be a sin if it’s not a choice. The greater society and the church penalize us for being gay and as well as not being very accommodating for being deaf: It is a double whammy for us. Yet because of our struggles, we have become stronger people and appreciate those who care enough to take action even more.”

Their attraction to the United Church of Chapel Hill is simple: Involved with other United Church of Christ churches in the past in Atlanta, Ga., a friend connected them with the pastors at United Church. United Church sent them an e-mail, inviting them to come to church, “even though they knew we were deaf and gay. We felt so welcomed and were equal with others. Being gay there was a non-issue and people are now taking up American Sign Language classes so they can communicate with other deaf participants. That itself sends a message that they care enough to take action to include us in the community.”

“We are no longer outsiders here: We live as insiders, included in the life of the Church. We see United Church as our refuge and family where unconditional love is prevalent and practiced.”

Brett Webb-Mitchell is director of the religious non-profit School of the Pilgrim and an ordained clergy person in the Presbyterian Church (USA). Contact him at Brett@schoolofthepilgrim.com.