Earlier this year, I participated in the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) Family-to-Family program, in a course dedicated to families that have a loved one with mental illness.

My dad developed a mental illness when I was a girl. Although dad died in 1981, over the last two decades I have seen and felt the reverberations of his illness on our family relationships. I can count on one hand the times that we have spoken about him during family dinners. As children we were silent in our shared shame, and as adults, we are silent in our shared pain.

Dad was a well-liked postal clerk in a small, rural community who became progressively preoccupied with a worry that grew into a fear that he would come up short in the post office cash drawer and this would present a humiliating situation in front of his co-workers.

This progressed to ideas that his co-workers were somehow determined to trap or humiliate him. He began to "read into" what others were saying. Eventually, he tried to turn himself over to the FBI for an offense that had no basis in reality. These two episodes culminated in my father being committed to the Dorothea Dix Hospital. We were never clear on dad's diagnosis, but in many ways, it did not matter. He felt socially embarrassed by the episodes and subsequent hospitalizations.

I do not think he ever accepted that he had a mental illness, but blamed my mother and job stress for his "nerves," and took prescribed medication only intermittently, when his "nerves" were especially bad.

After more than two decades and 10 children together, my parents separated. Dad died suddenly at home from what we believe was an undiagnosed heart condition. Until his death, my father and our family carried the shame of having a mental illness in a community that attributed mental illness to a character defect, not a brain disease. As his family, we did not know how to understand the patterns of his illness, nor did we know how to respond to his unpredictable moods, his treatment of my mother or his noncompliance with medication. Without benefit of modern medications or a relationship with a psychiatric professional, my dad died a lonely man, estranged from most of our family.

The NAMI Family-to-Family program began in 1979, too late for my family to learn the necessary skills to understand dad's illness. While attending this program last spring, I often thought about how our family might be different if the Family-Family program existed while my father was alive. Attending the Family-to-Family Program gave me an opportunity to talk with spouses, mothers, fathers, daughters and sons, eager to widen their understanding of the causes and treatments of mental illness, eager to learn current knowledge about mental illnesses and to develop communication skills to enable them to keep that fragile emotional connection with their loved one over the long haul.

For the greatest part of my life, talking about dad to anyone outside my mom, brothers and sister felt like a betrayal. Because of the Family-to-Family program, I now feel like I am honoring my dad rather than betraying him. I also learned that to fight the myths and barriers to mental illness detection and treatment within our society, we must start by fighting the stigma within our own families.

One place to start this fight is by taking the NAMI Family-to-Family program. This program is a free 12-week course for family caregivers of individuals with severe mental illnesses that discusses the clinical treatment of these illnesses and teaches the knowledge and skills that family members need to cope more effectively.

This rigorous course covers a series of topics on serious mental illness including current information about the nature of schizophrenia, major depression, bipolar disorder (manic depression), panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, and co-occurring brain disorders and addictive disorders. It provides current information about medications, side effects and strategies for medication adherence and information on current research related to the biology of brain disorders and the evidence-based treatments that are most effective treatments to promote recovery. It helps participants gain empathy for their family members by understanding the subjective, lived experience of a person with mental illness.

The course helps family members learn practical skills needed in everyday living by providing special workshops on problem solving, listening and communication techniques, as well as offering strategies for handling crises and relapses. Just as important as learning the facts, the program also focuses on care for the caregiver: coping with worry, stress and emotional overload that living with mental illness can bring.

The course, often through the group participants, offers guidance on locating appropriate supports and services within the community and provides information on advocacy initiatives designed to improve and expand services for those with mental illness.

In early September, several Family-to-Family courses are scheduled in the Chapel Hill, Hillsborough and Durham areas. If you have a close family member with a serious mental illness, and would like to participate in this challenging, valuable and tuition-free course, call 929-7822 to get more information and to register.