Recently I signed up for a short course at the Integrative Health Center of Chapel Hill. I've used the Center before, for medical consultations, nutritional advice and complementary therapies, but this was a little different. My goal was to understand all the areas that contribute to my well-being and make some changes that will lead to better health.

It was harder than I thought. We started with the "Wheel of Health," Duke's Integrative Medicine model. This approach takes stock of every aspect of our lives: from nutrition and exercise to physical environment, relationships, personal growth and others. My children would have laughed if they had seen me struggling to define my "current state" in some of the areas we explored. For "mindfulness," defined as "paying attention to what you are doing while you are doing it," my children would probably give me a "0." On a scale of 1 to 10, I generously gave myself a 3. I seem to always be in a hurry, barking orders while doing one thing and preparing for the next. Mindfulness? I don't have time to think about it!

If I lived in my native Peru, I would have a strong network of women relatives and friends making sure I didn't neglect myself. It's a sort of "feminine patrol" that monitors how you look, keep house, raise your children, and live your life, which is considered to be EVERYONE's business. When I go home, my cousins and friends take me to the beauty salon (so I won't look "like a poor Peace Corps volunteer"), take me out to tea, and push me to dress up, dance, laugh, and neglect the kids just enough to be missed.

In contrast, most of my friends in Chapel Hill are over-achievers who put themselves last in the long list of people and causes that take their time. I love them for it, but it makes it hard to find balance when we are all trying to save the world (leading Scout troops, volunteering in the schools, protesting the war, fighting for immigrants' rights ... you get the picture).

How can we be so educated and smart and not figure out how to treat ourselves right? Is it ingrained in us from kindergarten that we cannot have balanced lives? I think it may be.

A researcher-friend who is teaching in Puerto Rico has asked for my help in coming back to the mainland, concerned that her career will stagnate. She complains, "My grad students leave at 6 p.m., no matter how much work we have! They say they have to get home for supper, and most, especially the women, don't come back, because they still live with their families and they won't let them go back to the campus late. They don't understand the sacrifices you have to make in academia! They would never make it at UNC! I was expected to stay in the lab until 11 p.m. if necessary. There is no commitment here."

How can anyone stay healthy working 8 a.m. to 11 p.m.? What kind of parents do we become? What do we do to our health when we think taking time for food and family are luxuries we must postpone?

The beautiful thing about the small class I took was the opportunity to draw on my strengths and the support of other equally challenged Chapel Hill women who were also finding it difficult to eat right, exercise and honor the values that brought us to our careers, families and to Chapel Hill. Women who have said "Enough! If I fall apart, what good will I do anyone else?"

We laughed, danced, listened, and set S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic, timed) goals. Mine one week was very modest: enjoy walking the dog. No returning phone calls, no making lists, no trying to figure out how to raise money for worthy students to go to college, no issuing orders or dragging my children along to squeeze in a lecture. Only walking, breathing in clean air, enjoying the beautiful trees and giving thanks for life.

I have made some modest improvements: a fruit and protein shake each morning, a mindful walk with our puppy. Who knows where this will lead? More wisdom and energy to save the world, perhaps?

Contact Maria Palmer at mtpalmer@ncat.edu